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Monday, December 5th, 2005
5:23 pm - Santa Baby!
Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Tuesday I helped triggur hide a body (-173 points). In July triggur and I robbed a bank (-50 points). In January I signed my organ donor card (28 points). Last Friday I punched tushchan in the arm (-10 points). Last Sunday I put gum in illusion_rose's hair (-12 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-217 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Hahaha XD
Too bad we don't celebrate Christmas over here, eh? Ah well. Rafael will grow a beard, wear red and let me sit in his lap while he gives me my uhh...Christmas present. xP
By the way...Who's Triggur? o.0 Seems like my kind of guy. A partner in crime, you can say xD Bury a body, rob a bank...Ahhh joys of life! (Haha, that Santa letter idea is awesome!)

About life in general...Ya know, this and that. Been busy lately. Finished reading Harry Potter, And the Half-Blood Prince. Bloody Book. Can't believe it...First she kills my favorite character in book number five, and now she does this?! Disgraceful...Unbelievable...Damn it all. On the brighter side, I was actually liking Draco in this book. Harry wasn't so bad either. Though he was completely obsessed with Malfoy.."Where was Malfoy? He did not seem to be at the Slytherin table, eating breakfast...", "Malfoy's gone again!", "'-Malfoy's gone off sick too!'
'What?' said Harry, wheeling around to stare at her. 'He's ill? What's wrong with him?'"
Come on. No one's that obsessed. That's all I have to say about the subject. Those who know me, probably know why I was grinning like mad the whole way through the book when I encountered the mention of Draco's name. By Harry, of course.
Fufufufu..I guess I really am naughty xD I should go to my room for being a bad girl. Or Rafael's room. Heehee.

Anyhow! Better head off. So long, mates! *salutes*

current mood: cheerful

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Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
2:36 pm - The Daily Rant
Yo, peeps. I won't waste many words and go straight to my rants (fun fun!).
Time runs by so fast. Damn holiday, why must you be so short?! Gah! I was so excited, "Yay! Holiday!" and now it's the last day and I am not satisfied. I want it to be longer..I don't wanna go back to school >.> I don't wanna do homework or study for the exam I have tomorrow. Arggh. I don't really wanna go back to Three Dots guy too.. He keeps asking me if I wanna go places with him, like the pool or just go out to run (at the beach). I don't really wanna go out >.>.. He's good as a friend but I'm not really comfortable with some things. Like giving me a greeting card for the holiday, "...have a year filled with joy and love!!" Bleargh. He's trying too hard >.> even my best friends didn't work so hard on a greeting card. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't want to lead him on. At this point, I don't see him as more than a friend. No matter how many people tell me that he's really cute, I'm not interesting in -that- way. Shani knows >.> she keeps talking about kissing him and I wrinkle my nose. Maybe it'll change. But he's going too fast. I'm like "Eh..why is he hugging me?" all the time. If I was into him I would probably say something like "OMG OMG! He's hugging meeee! OMG he kissed my cheek! *faints in a very un-Rony kind of way*"
Rafael, sorry, I suppose I sort of kept it from you too until I wrote about it in this journal. I didn't know you had this journal <.<; how embarrassing for me. You probably think I'm weird xD. Oh, don't worry about Three Dots! You're still my number one <3 <3

Gah. You know what else? I want a life X_x. I sit at home all day and get excited with Shani on the messenger. It's not the same in person x.x Shani, I wanna go swing and talk to you about Sephy (<~~*sees hearts and throws flowers in the air*). I wanna go out and have fun and make memories. I want something fun to write about in this journal! I wanna take pictures and show everyone what great friends I have. I wanna go outside when it's night and just sit and stare at the moon or something ~_~ I just can't stay at home all the time. It's driving me crazy. I miss the get together's at Hila! Anything. Please, just get me out of here x.x Today I actually thought to myself, "maybe I should make my parents really really angry so they'll kick me out and I could go crash at Shani's for a while 'cause she has a spare bed" >.> I'm pathetic, ain't I? As if they'd ever kick me out. Puh.
I just wanna do something else rather than imprint the shape of my back on this chair -.-. But if I wanna get real, what can I -really- do about it? Nothing. Even if I wanted to go somewhere, I can't. Why? Because my parents won't let me go anywhere by bus except for school because they still think that every bus can blow up. Come on! It's not bloody 2001! Buses don't blow up anymore. Hardly. -.-. I can't go to Tel-Aviv by train either. Because then a truck might drive into the train. They're so paranoid, it's not funny anymore.
So okay, I accept it somehow. I want to go somewhere, I ask them to drive me. But then they start complaining. The prices of gasoline keep going up and my parents are trying to save money. Funny thing is, they try to save by driving but when they go out they buy all those unnecessary things. It's like this - they don't drive, they don't let me take buses to get where I wanna get but they have enough money to spend on crap. What kind of logic is that? Damn it. It seriously won't kill me to take a 10 minutes bus to Shani's place.

I had a really weird dream today. I was with my relative (the one I saw at the new year's dinner two days ago). She was working on math and asked me to help her. So I tried to solve the problems and I only did half in all of them. I never finished them. And it was weird, 'cause they were easy.
After that, my grandfather came and asked my relative if she wanted to go abroad with him (the same thing he asked me in real life) and her reaction was like mine was. I was like the watcher. Then the dream jumped to this scene where my grandpa was interviewed by some lady and she was holding his hand and started crying and saying that his hands are freezing. And she said "it's so horrible that no one would accompany you. Your hands are so cold! But they don't care that you'll be going all by yourself." And I stood there (still dream mode) and panicked because in my mind, him having cold hands means that he's dying. So I started telling him that I'll go with him abroad and I won't abandon him. And he just glared at me and said coldly, "Okay."
And then I woke up >.> and I was still panicked. I went to look for my mother to tell her that I'll go to abroad with my gramps. I didn't find her, so I told my dad. He told me to talk to mother. But she was asleep. So I took a shower and calmed down.. So I thought about the pros and cons of going with him alone. I didn't talk to my mother about it, eventually. Funny. I never thought about it before I had this dream. I guess in my subconscious I was thinking about it. Dreams are very weird sometimes. Does anyone know a dream interpreter? What the hell is up with unsolved math equations? xD I can't even get rid of school in my dreams!

Man. I wasted an hour writing this so far. I shouldn't torture you any longer =P This entry is long enough for today.
Meh. I wanna swing. I wanna watch the moon. I wanna stand in the rain without un umbrella and face the sky. I wanna be some place else and I wanna forget trivial school problems. I wanna make my dreams come true and I wanna see the world.
I know I'm an obsessive dreamer, so what? I want at least one of the above to happen, even for a day, and not in my daydreams.
I want quite a lot, no? =P At least I didn't say that I want Sephy and Kadaj covered in whipped cream and strawberries and..and..hmmmmmm...*smiles widely and goes into daydreaming mode* Muhahaha! Oh Sephy! Oh Kadaaajjjj xD I luv you so much!

current mood: high

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Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
4:47 pm - Guess who's back?
Wow! An update! Sorry for not posting for a while, guys. Let me tell you a bit about school first.
Remember the English teacher (of course you do, you can just scroll down and read about it)? Well, he's not so great. He has a problem with cheerful people, seriously. He keeps asking Shani "are you okay?" or something like "did you take your pills today?" just because she's a little energetic. Sheesh! Plus he isn't really teaching us English...No grammar, nothing challenging at all.. I mean, English is my favorite subject! Why can't it be a little challenging? I feel like a first grader in his class. He's funny and all but still..
In other classes I need to dodge spit balls and paper balls. It's like a battle field there! The guys from behind me throw at the ones before me and those from my sides throw erasers too. At least it's never boring, huh?
School is relatively okay, I suppose.(I bet Shani and Hila really want me to say this...) there's even this guy.. He sits next to me in my math class. He's fun to be around and I can talk to him and we'll never run out of things to say. Hila and Shani keep teasing me about it, darn it >.> "He loves you~~", "Rony and -three dots- are sitting on a tree and k-i-s-s-i-n-g.." or as Shani likes to say "He totally digs you!" (xD no Shani, not my ass). He's really nice, and yeah, I like him. But I'm only 15! I can't love him.. Not to talk about after knowing him only for only a month or so. But you know.. My heart does beat a little bit faster at times.. Unfortunately for you, I don't like going 'kiss and tell' so that's all the information you're getting =P
It's Rosh Hashana tomorrow! It means it's our new year's holiday. Holiday, yatta! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! May it be sweeter than older ones, filled with joy, good luck, success and plenty of love!
Shana Tova! <3 <3 <3

current mood: cheerful

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Sunday, September 4th, 2005
8:05 pm - Mmmm...
Well, as you can see, I'm still alive. School is going okay and I'm still adjusting. It's so big, I get lost easily. I need to take the bus to school and back because it's far. I hate buses. I was almost late today T_T. My teachers are relatively okay..My English teacher is awesome! Of all the teachers, I like him best. Today at class I sort of shouted "present!" when he called my name. Everyone turned their heads to the back-row to where I sit (always in the back..don't like the front) and laughed. What's so funny? You're supposed to say 'present' in class >.> sheesh, ignorant people. He asked who was the person who tried to be funny. I wasn't trying to be funny, dammit >.> I was just hyper...I can't help it. I hope he'll forget about that little incident, I wouldn't want my favorite teacher to dislike me.
I wish the days were longer than 24 hours. I have no time to do what I want to do. I really wanna draw and write but I have no time..
I have a slight headache. Second day since the school year started. Two days of a headache in a time span of 5 days...That's not so great.
Man...Is it too early to say that I want the summer vacation back?

current mood: grumpy

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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
10:06 pm - Tomorrow
Ugh. Tomorrow school starts all over again. I hope it'll be okay. I wish that no one will look at me funny or think I'm a freak. Because I'm totally not a freak. Why do people feel like they need to tell me that I am? So what if I listen to rock or metal? I only listen to good songs and not the annoying ones that half of the song is growls and grunts. Also, it's not like it's the only kind of music I like. I love songs from the 90's and 80's too. I simply like good music so don't label me. When I asked my brother what a freak means in his dictionary he said "weird". Do I look weird to anyone? Do I wear piercing all over my face or do I dye my hair and style it strangely? Do I scream to be noticed with my 'weird' appearance or personality? Hell no. I think I'm normal and definitely not weird inside or outside. I had a few slips that made me hate some things about myself but it doesn't mean I'm a depressed girl who hates her life. Because I don't hate my life at all, I love my life. I don't care how many fights I see at home and I don't care about our financial state. I think I'm well off and I have a great family and awesome friends and whoever thinks I'm a freak is the one in deni~a~l here! 'Cause thinking that even if you know me really is weird. Whoever thinks that for a second, thinks that I'm depressed or some tough girl 'cause I listen to rock then tough shit because you don't know me at all. And you know? I don't want to explain this to anyone who thinks they know me. I want people to know who I am and what I am without me saying the words. And just for the record, I have no problem with people who express themselves like that. Just don't insult them by calling them freaks. Everyone is a human being on the inside, no matter how weird they act in your opinion. Just because people are different from you, it doesn't mean they're weird. Think about it.
On top of that, why am I the one who talks to others and confide in them when they don't return the act? Am I not worthy of anyone's trust? Because I'm starting to think I'm really unworthy...And it makes me feel - "why should I trust this person when I'm not trusted as well?" I'm trying to change the way I was for my friends but now I have them turning to what I was?! I just want to help and give my share of advice, why is it not accepted? Anyhow...Anyone who doesn't trust me enough, I will no longer trust him either. Don't be surprised if I stop telling you things about me. I don't like talking about myself anyway. And this journal...That's my way of actually talking to my friends about me, that's my way of changing. I think I changed since last year, no? (Shani and Hila, am I doing okay?)I'm doing it to become a better person. Even though it's hard, you just gotta force yourself to change your ways..open up and just change what you don't like about yourself. Everyone can do it, if you put your mind into it. Okay, pal? You -can- change how you are. You know who you are and I believe in you. Don't let anyone or anything put you down.
After that lecture, let's go back to the school issue. I hope that people will want to make friends with us. That the guys won't be too annoying. And maybe..I wish that someone will notice me..? Just notice me between those 3,000 students. Just one person. Out of 3,000, what are the odds that someone will like me?
Maybe I'm wishing too much...

current mood: okay

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Sunday, August 28th, 2005
11:03 pm - Obviously obvious
Ahh. The summer vacation is almost over. School starts in exactly 3 days (sorta). I gotta admit that it's a bit frightening. No longer are we the oldest ones in school. We're back to our clueless days, looking up at the older students at high school. Also, it's the biggest school in the country (concerning the amount of student). So many people I don't know and with them new experiences that I'm a bit wary of. Those who know me, know I'm kind of wary of new things. I don't like the unknown. So moving to a new school and adjusting, I suppose it brings a few worries to me. It doesn't mean I'll hide under my blanket and avoid school, biting anyone who tries to make me go. I'll go and hopefully make friends (even though it takes me a lotta time to be friendly to new people. What the hell is my problem with new things?) and avoid drugs and smokes and bad guys (unless they're with me >D).
Ya know something weird I found out? I realized that I really like literature. I read a few poems today that I stumbled upon and I was simply entranced. I moved from one poet to another. After wards, my mother asked me to check if all of my books were ready and wrapped (yeah, I wrap my books, so what?). I took out a book that wasn't wrapped and it was an English literature book with short stories and poems by famous men and women. I flipped on the pages and read bits of everything. I can't explain it but I guess I have something for this subject. As for being a poet or a writer myself, that will never happen because my creations suck, but I might just study literature in the future if I'll be bored enough. Though a friend of my grandfather we met in Germany told me that she's positive I'll become a writer when I grow up, I don't believe her..she was a bit loony >.>
Speaking of my grandfather, my sister and I set up a room in his apartment for us. The idea came to us long ago while we went to his place for some peace and quiet to study. We set up a huge table that will be enough for the both of us and a closet to hide secret stash (mwahaha). Yesterday we brought the chairs in (she took the blue one and I took the dark purple one. DOWN WITH BLUE! No offense to all you blue lovers =P). Tomorrow we're going to bring the computer there and if we have time then hang a few pictures. I think the room looks really cute and comfortable. Maybe I'll take photos of it and post them! It's like having a second home because we have everything there. A kitchen we can use, bathroom, a bedroom and a sofa-bed thingy. We can come every time we want even if my grandpa isn't home, using our keys and it's like the apartment is ours. It feels good to have a place for my own even if I share it. It still feels good.
My kitten, Rorry, is one weird cat. She usually runs around the house and jumps in the air for no apparent reason. When she walks and some object is in her way, she doesn't go around it. She simply takes her paw and pushes with all her might until said object fells and scatters on the ground (we're starting to run out of glasses because of her). Today she surprised me. As in, I'm surprised she's still alive. Do you know those little white bags they put in the new shoe boxes you buy? Well, my mother bought new shoes and in the box laid a seemingly innocent white bag. HOWEVER! In close examination, one would see big BLUE (why blue? grrr..) letters saying: DO NOT EAT! Now..A smart cat like my other cat, maxi, would refrain from coming close to the devilish shoe box. Alas..Rorry is not among smart kittens. Nope. While I was waxing my legs (that right. Yikes!) she hopped inside the bathroom and peeked inside the shoe box (I have no idea what it was doing in the bathroom). She started ripping off the little white bag with big blue letters and the brownish (ahh, not blue) chemical material scattered all over the bathroom floor (and in her mouth?). Now who had to pick it up? Me, of course. First I needed to snatch the little ripped white bag with big blue letters from my kitten's claws. After accomplishing that (with a few scratches, might I add) I needed to get a broom and sweep it all. My sister couldn't do it, duh, because she was busy tapping Rorry's nose, saying "you're an evil kitty! Ebil! Ebbuuulll". See what I have to deal with? *sigh* Anyhow, I think Rorry threw up under the living room table because my mother is giving me THE LOOK. Which means that if she didn't make anyone else clean it already, I'm going to have to go there.
Arrr. And now to explain the title of this lovely post, "Obviously obvious". You see, there's this comics-animation festival going on in Tel-Aviv right now. It was on the news so my mother called me and my brother to come look. They talked about manga for like 5 minutes...but during those 5 minutes they said something..Ahem. Not so good for me. You see, they mentioned shounen-ai, and explained what it is. And as some of you know, I'm a huge fan of shounen-ai. One giggly fan-girl I am. Sad thing is, my brother is also aware of that fact. So when they explain he so obviously coughed loudly, looked behind his shoulder at me and smirked. A couple of times! With my mother standing two meters from us, giving us confused looks! I felt like reaching out my arms and strangling my brother at that moment. Though that would probably be even more obvious...God, if my mother ever found out about my obsession I don't even want to think about what's going to happen (insert shudder here). I mean, my mother doesn't declare her disapproval of those kinds of things but I can tell. I can tell the way when there's something on tv that involves the subject she averts her eyes or even mutters "disgusting" when it is shown more openly. I wish that some people would be more open minded. What if someone she knew ended up not looking as straight as before? (Don't look at me, my second obsession is the male anatomy xD Nyufufufu..) What would she do? What if it was a person close to her? Would she push them away? Would I stop asking weird questions? I don't know. She doesn't seem completely open-minded about the subject. I mean, what if my brother turns out to swing that way and confront her? XD Hehe I should really stop with the questions. I'm sure that when my brother grows up he'll be more interested in girls =P he's still a little kid inside his cute, mushy heart. I still love you little brother, no matter who you love! But, if he does end up that way, I'll pay him to see some love in public xD Don't kill me, Johnny!
And finally...I miss abroad. It was so fun, I wanna go back! It's better than here. And all the cute guys...I still drool at the memories...Ahhh. Joy!

current mood: giddy

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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
10:40 pm - Presents
Have you ever received a present you didn't like? I have. On many occasions. You get that feeling...I wouldn't really call it disappointment on my side (maybe because I don't really like getting gifts from someone when the gift has no meaning), but it's close to disappointment. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe disappointment because the gift means nothing to me and I expected something better? I don't know. Still, when I get presents that I don't need, it simply wipes the smile off my face. I accept the gift and even though gravity pulls my smile down, I try to force it up and thank the person who bought it for me. Problem is - everyone can tell it's forced. Usually people just say I'm indifferent to everything and use that excuse on my lack of enthusiasm when receiving a gift. When I'm told that, I simply shrug and go back to my corner in my room. I mean, what else can I say? Maybe I am a little bit indifferent to a few things. Nevertheless, when someone says "I got you what you've always wanted!" and pulls out something I definitely didn't want out of the bag, what am I suppose to do? It gets me thinking. I know that they have good intentions and it shows that they thought about me...and then they see the look on my face, the half smile, the avoiding eyes and it erases any happiness that was once evident on their face. That's when the real disappointment hits me. I start thinking, "oh no, what have I done?" and I curse myself for my bad acting. It's not like I want to act and pretend but I have to! It feels really bad, you know? Seeing people who tried to bring me something get the same feeling I get. Disappointment. When I see that...I don't know, I just hate myself. I want to be an honest person but I can't! I can't shove a present for me back to that person's hands, say "I don't like it" and walk away. I know I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. The truth hurts! It really does. I don't like hurting other people. Don't say "she's such a saint, doesn't want to hurt others", because I'm no saint. It's out of pure selfishness. You see, when someone gets hurt because of me I get a pang in my chest. -I- feel horrible. So bad that I start hating myself and go into my depressed mode. I don't like that. I don't like the thoughts I think about when I'm depressed (I'm not going to elaborate on that subject). Told you, I'm a totally selfish person. Which is one more reason to hate myself. See what happens just because I got a lame gift I didn't even want?! I should learn to act better. Next time I get something I don't like, I need to suck it up and pretend to be enthusiastic. "Oh my God! It's like, the best thing in the WORLD! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!" Eh...Maybe not like that o.0 Oh, and that doesn't mean I don't want a gift for my birthday. Just make sure you know me and know what I like =P unlike some other people..
Now after I probably confused you all...I'm going to take a really long shower. Shani, don't forget my YnM on friday! Nyufufufu..!

current mood: okay

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Friday, August 19th, 2005
12:18 pm - No Matter
No matter what I say or do
You'll point your finger and accuse
No matter what I say or do
I'll never be someone like you
No Matter,
I follow your orders
Like a dog in a tame
Even so,
The slap came all the same
My shouts fell on deaf ears
No matter what I say or do
I always do the wrong things
Don't you understand
What I'm trying to say or be
For you,
The only problem here is me
I crawl on the floor
And I know nothing anymore
No Matter,
The only problem here is me
Even with my eyes tightly shut
With my figure flinch at every rush
With the slap that came all the same
I think it's my turn to point
It's my turn in the game
Why are you so surprised
That no matter how hard you tried
I'll never be someone like you
No Matter,
What I say or do,
I'll never be someone like you

By Yours Truly.

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
1:35 pm - Yatta!
Okay, so I decided to continue writing. Well, I didn't exactly decide. Shani called me on the phone to convince me to continue, Yishai and Hila told me to continue and even Rotem told me to keep on writing. They like this journal way more than I do >.> oh well.
Three days ago I came back from my trip. I met lots of new people and friends, I saw beautiful views (including guys. Bwahaha) and I had lots of fun! I couldn't stand our instructor and the hotels sucked but besides that I had the time of my life.
I went to the pool today with Hila, Anna and Keren. Hila and I hugged and I gave her the chocolate that hadn't melted and her gift. I hope she liked it, we didn't have a lot of time for shopping and looking for something better. Plus, it's so pricey everywhere =X Europe isn't cheap. I think I got my mother broke.
Hila and I talked and then she says I changed. When I asked her how so, she said I'm cooler xD Thanks Hila, I'm flattered <3
Going to the pool was fun even though I'm not a big fan of swimming. I guess that going with your friends really is what matters the most. We even saw a boy who was in our class (mine and Hila's) and he waved at us.
I think that a small part of me is going to miss my old class. I already got used to them, I suppose. However, one must move on and not dwell on the past. I'm moving to a new school, with new people and maybe I might find some new friends as well. The future is blank for me and everyday is another step closer to un-fogging it. Sounds philosophical, don't ya think?
Man, school starts in less than two weeks. Ugh. I wish for a never ending vacation. Such a small wish, can't I at least get that? Darn.

current mood: cheerful

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Saturday, July 30th, 2005
6:38 pm - Gone For Good
Okay, so here's the story. My last post had offended someone (not my mother. God forbid, if she saw that post I'd be six feet under) I know. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later but I never imagined it would hurt who it did. I'm truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart because I never intended it.. I wish I could apologize for my mother's words as well but I can only say that I'm sure she didn't really mean it, she always exaggerates. I'm so so so sorry.. I shouldn't have started writing this stupid live-journal. I'm also really sorry Shani and Hila, but I don't think I can keep on writing here.
I'm really sorry, again, for insulting you (and you know who you are) even though it wasn't completely what I had said that had offended you, I still feel responsible.
Thank you guys for reading my complaints for this short while, even though my complaints only caused bad to others.
Forgive me ~_~ and goodbye.

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Friday, July 29th, 2005
1:13 am - Blank
*This post has been deleted*

current mood: blank

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Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
11:54 pm - So...
It's been a few days since I last updated, huh? It's all due to my laziness, dear friends =P Anyhow, here's what happened two or three days ago:
I woke up at 8am when I heard a loud crash noise. Turns out that four Arabs were chopping down trees in a yard right next to my building. They weren't cutting them from the top, they cut them from the bottom so those huge trees over one hundred years old came crashing down to the ground. My older sister who heard noises too, went to the window to look outside. She almost cried when she saw what those guys were doing. She called my father and he refused to do anything. She called my mother and she didn't care. At first we thought it was illegal so I suggested that we'll go down, tie ourselves to the trees like tree-huggers in America. "This isn't America, hun, those Arabs will saw through your stomach, they wouldn't mind if there's one Israeli down." That's what my sister said. So we watched down through the window. Turns out they have permission because our neighbor called someone (I don't know who) and we heard them saying they have permission. After a short while, another lady neighbor from the house near us (some Russian blond) came and pointed towards the tree in our yard. She showed the Arabs the tree and told them to cut it. So naturally my sister and I were enraged. That tree is in our territory! It's four floors high and it blooms every couple of months and I love that tree. My sister yelled at the from our porch that they have no right to touch that tree because it's in our yard and they have no permission. That blond bitch told her "Shut up, you fat girl." -.- my sister is not fat, if anyone's fat it's that stupid blond ass. As if on cue my mother called us and my sister picked up the phone. My mother said that the Russian neighbor called her. Turns out that my mother has made arrangements with that lady that the tree will be cut down but didn't tell us because she didn't want us to get upset. Peachy, ain't it? Gah. My sister started crying and said that she values the life of nature and animals more than she values the life of humans. I thought it's a bit harsh but I said nothing. She said that the world is full of greed and lies and cunning and that's why she wants to become a vet, to work with animals and not human beings. I want to tell her that she's naive and no matter where she goes, she will always be surrounded by people. My sister went inside the shower twice that day and twice I heard her sobs over the running water. She was really sad and annoyed at my mother. Can't say I don't understand her, I mean, my mother doesn't seem to be caring about anything that's related to us now-days. Her co-worker is in a coma so most of the time I see her on the phone telling the entire world and his sister about her friend's horrible condition. I can tell she has stuff on her mind but it wouldn't hurt to lay back from time to time. My dad actually called me two days ago to have a talk. At first it was really awkward because my father and me hardly ever talk. By hardly ever I mean like..almost never. He told me he's tired of seeing my mother frowning all the time and that she thinks I don't want to go to the trip next week (how wrong was she. I can't wait to leave this country for a while). I told him that she's pissing me off and she needs to relax a little and he said that he told her the same thing. He told her to lay back a little and relax. He recommended that I try to be less hostile. He hadn't told me to confront her or anything, just slowly and carefully try to mend things. If she goes to sit somewhere, I should go sit down there too. No need to talk, just sit there. My father doesn't usually say wise things about problems we have (he hardly talks to me when we have problems, only at the extreme and he usually doesn't notice if it doesn't involve him somehow) but a part of me was grateful for his advice. So I stopped attacking my mother, most of the time. Though when she and my sister make comments on Shani I get really annoyed. I truly think they hate her or something. My father also talked to me about that. He said that next time they say anything about her I should say something like "She's my friend, not yours and if I want to be her friend then I will be her friend, don't butt in." So yeah, my dad has a few pearls of wisdom to pull out of his sleeve from time to time.
Oh, about the trip. I'm leaving next week for Italy and Switzerland. I'm going with my brother and mother. I'm a little reluctant to going with my mother but I can't have it any other way so I'll have to endure it. My brother said that if I dare make a sad face or scowl at anything, he'll beat me to a pulp and throw me off a mountain. It's gonna be hard, ten days with my mother in the same room will be tough. I'll try to keep my temper in check though. This trip is originally for my brother, since he just became thirteen last month.
So - Yay! I just finished writing an unbelievably long post and the hour is currently 1:47 am. I'm going to read for a while and then I'll probably hop to bed and snuggle my amazing blondish best friend and cuddle till I fall asleep. I don't even mind his fur, I just love my dog plushy =P That's all, folks!

current mood: crazy

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Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
2:19 pm - Yesterday was fun!
My mother and father left yesterday to stay at a friend's place. My siblings and I had the house all to ourselves <3 I invited my friends to come over. We had so much fun! We ordered two pizzas (holy pizza...Ahhhhh...) and watched a movie, K-Pax. Some coke spilled on the carpet and the table in the living room =X but I suppose what my mother doesn't know, doesn't hurt her. We laughed a lot. Not the usual laughter, the drunken kind of laughter without being drunk. xD T'was funny. Shani and me had a hand wrestling contest. She won with the right hand which is her strongest and I won with the left which is my strongest. However, it didn't end that way. Shani is so competitive, she wanted a rematch. And another...and another...I still won, ha =P. You can't win in everything, Shani~ Let me win something too >.>
I had lots of fun! Thanks for coming guys ^^. And just for the record, someone should tell Avi that wearing tight jeans doesn't mean he can produce only girls, it lowers his chance to have children at all. >.> There's a 50% chance he'll have a girl but with tight jeans he might not be able to produce at all ("Wearing tight jeans all the time lowers the sperm." or something like that. That's what my sister said o.o). And she knows about those stuff...somehow.
Speaking of Avi, that dude talked 20 minutes about his shopping journey! What kind of guy talks almost half an hour about his jeans? xD Bwahahaha I laughed so hard after-wards. He annoys me sometimes when he picks on me (he does that to anyone) but I'm glad I have comebacks. Like when he wanted to laugh at the shirt I was wearing (it was a button-up, short-sleeved shirt with dark blue and eh..pink stripes. It's my sister's, not mine. I swear >.> Mine is red), he said "I have a shirt just like yours!" because it's the kind of shirt guys wear, just a bit different. So I stared at him and said "With the pink stripes?" and smirked when he said nothing back. I love making him shut up because..well..it's fun ;P
Today we went out for lunch (My brother, sister, her friend and I). I had salad, a sandwich and ice-coffee. Just the kind of lunch I like, nothing too heavy but still good. That was fun too ^^ I'm in a better mood when my parents aren't home. They'll be back tonight though. Blah.

current mood: cheerful

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Thursday, July 21st, 2005
9:06 pm - Just another day
I seem to be losing track of the days passing by. I was sure it was tuesday today =X. Bah. Before I know it we'll be back in school. The HORROR!
I just finished reading the first Harry Potter in English (yeah, I'm reading all of them again before reading the sixth >.> I'm weird). I'm a little dizzy from reading for a few hours straight.. Earlier today I installed the tablet on my computer and tried drawing in Oekaki. Blah, it went really crappy but it's my first time so give me a break >.> If I practice I might get better though, no? I would post it but I'm scared of stones being thrown at me..o.o
My mother isn't talking to me. She's ignoring me most of the time. I don't mind but I guess what really bothers me is that -somebody- isn't talking to me. I hate it when people hate me or don't talk to me x.X I know I shouldn't care what other people think like Shani says but I can't help it.
And good god. There's a show on TV now, Exit. It's so stupid x.X It's like someone placed people with negative IQ in one show. I think some of my own IQ dropped dead after watching the stupidity. No offense to people who actually watch and like it but..eh..it's scary @_@;
Well. I better get going~ Nighty night.

current mood: bored

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Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
7:17 pm - Why me?
ARRRGGGHHH! I can't believe it. I got home and I just 'ruined' everyones mood. We had so much fun playing basketball next to where Shani lives. I mean, it was great! I didn't have sport in a very long time and playing released my annoyance from yesterday and the day before that and the day before that...Alas, I arrived home and I got yelled at by my mother. Why? Well, my little brother wanted to put my tablet on his computer. Not that I have a problem with that but I blurted out that I wanted to use it because I wanna see if I can draw with it. Sooo...I ruined my brother's mood. He didn't want to put it in his computer anymore so I got pissed. I placed my foot and his computer and threatened that if he isn't going to put it, I'm going to pull out the wires (eh, what can I say? When I'm angry for a long time it just bursts out). So of course, my mother came to stand by my brother. I huffed and said that I wish I hadn't come home and stayed to play. "The door is right there" she pointed with her finger to the door. I started packing my stuff in my big red bag. I was unlocking the front door when she came and stopped me. I told her I'm going to stay at my grandfather's place and seeing that I have a key which he gave me, I could go inside even if he's asleep. My grandfather gave me that key so that whenever I need a place to stay I can go over to his place. But nooooooo..."You're not going anywhere! Grandpa's asleep and I forbid you to leave this house". Then there were a few yells, mostly on her side. What made me laugh was my dad's obliviousness. "Say a -word- to her, will you?" She asked my dad who was sitting on the couch, watching TV. And my dad comes out with the stupidest answer xD "word". Then she started yelling at him and he's giving her the what-did-I-do look. So basically, my brother's mood was ruined, my mother's mood was ruined (not that I really care, she's always like this..), even my dad's mood was ruined because he got yelled at too. Peachy, huh? Gah, I wish I could write something happy and cheerful here but...=X Grrr...
My mother just today noticed I cut some bangs in the front of my hair x.x It's been like what? A week and a half? When I told her that, her excuse was that she hardly sees me anymore because I never leave my room. Well, I seriously couldn't care less how many times a day she gets a look at me because I don't want to get a look at her. She always messes up my mood somehow. Even when she calls me at 9am to wake me up, telling me to do the dishes, fold laundry, hang laundry, clean the kitchen, clean the living room, help my sister make food..even when she comes home upset from work and gets it out on us. Even when she comes to pick me up so early from everywhere and doesn't let me go anywhere by myself! She just always finds a way to piss me off and it's getting so..fucking..annoying. (Pardon my language -.-) If I don't do what she tells me to...Ohhhhh...then I get it. She threatens, she yells, she goes berserk..And takes it out on everyone, not just me. She also has a tendency to talk to everyone after we have a fight, saying how troublesome I am and blah blah blah. She thinks I can't hear her. Pfft. In such a small apartment, how can I not?
I should stop complaining now. It's really annoying and I hate complaining >.< I hate saying stuff about my life too but I promised Shani and Hila and a few other people (you know who you are) that I'll be more open. So there. Welcome to my wonderful, perfectly beautiful life <3
Damn. I'm complaining again. I should really stop >.>

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
8:45 pm - Meh
Why can't I ever get a simple thank you? I mean, I worked all day, did all of the stuff my mother didn't feel like doing and yet I still somehow found myself being scolded. How the hell? I just asked my mother for a thank you once in a while and she complains and says I'm a bad daughter! God. Not to talk about the fact that she's nosy and ALWAYS needs to know everything about me. I stopped telling her things a long time ago, I stopped talking to any of the people around me (maybe except my friends but there are some secrets I still keep for myself) and she always has something to say. "Why are you so closed?", "You're building ice walls around you and you shield me out", "I don't know you anymore"...Blah! Who cares? Dammit, stop talking behind my back too! She thinks I can't hear her when she talks to everyone about me. Grrr..
Shani came over today and we talked a lot. I'm so glad she talks to me like old times. Also, I'm happy she trusts me enough to talk to me about personal things and ask me for my opinions. Thanks, Shani~ and I'm sorry if my mother seemed cold and didn't even say hi -.- remember when you asked me if my mother hates you? Well, if she does, I couldn't give a shit and you shouldn't either.
Meh...Finally, I think there's something wrong with me. I dunno why but sometimes I feel like I'm making myself eat x.X when it's morning I don't wanna eat my cereal and when I do I feel like throwing up. When I eat lunch I feel like I'm eating too much and I make myself eat everything my mother puts on my plate...And I'm not even hungry enough to eat dinner so I only take bread with cheese and maybe an egg because my family insists we all eat. Argh! If I could, I wouldn't make myself eat. I would eat whatever I want but with my family around, I just can't. It's like I eat everything they give me to keep them happy when I'm not hungry at all. At all. I'm just not hungry anymore and I don't feel like eating when I'm not hungry...But I have to...Blah, I can't believe I'm saying this but I want school to start so I can eat lunch alone or just skip it if I don't feel like eating x.x
What's wrong with me? Meh..

current mood: blah

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Monday, July 18th, 2005
4:17 pm - What I like about you!
Okay! Like I promised, I'm dedicating this to Shani. I want her to know all the things I can't bring myself to say. That is why I came up with reasons why I like her. Here goes @_@

1) She's friendly!

2) I can talk to her about everything and nothing at the same time. TV, music, school, drinks, friends, parents..

3) and guys. Even talk about Yaoi..yeah..*coughs* >.>

4) She isn't afraid to say what's on her mind and she'll say it to your face whether you like it or not.

5) She yells at people on the street when they piss her off o.o I find it very amusing.

6) She's crazy =P

7) She's kind and has a good heart. Plus she's really nice. ^^

8) We both like the same things (most of them, anyway).

9) She can get excited easily and it shows, while I can't.

10) She's able to cry in times that I want to, but can't.

11) It's easy to cheer her up when she's feeling down.

12) When I'm stressed out, I can call her and we'll both stress out together. Somehow when I hang up the phone after saying goodbye I always feel calmer than before.

13) We can talk for hours and she doesn't seem to get bored even when I ramble on and on and on and on and on...

14) She draws! And her drawings are so cool ^^

15) She forgives me everytime I do something stupid. So forgiving <3

16) She's hyper-active sometimes and her energy gives me energy to run around too!

17) We can get into trouble together and then find our way out of it - together.

18) We're like the two old guys in the muppet show that have something to say about everything. So what if we're mean? =P

19) She's the only friend that had ever taken me to her balcony to just blow bubbles and talk about life.

20) She always helps me when I need her help.

21) She can make me laugh! She has a great sense of humor.

22) She's not tired of being my friend after so long. After ups and downs, she's always there by my side.

23) When I get nervous about something (and she doesn't) she calms me down, saying that it's 'no big deal'.

24) She can distract people when she talks and flatter teachers in a way I can never comprehend o.o

25) She doesn't care what people think.

26) She snaps me out of my daydreams when I get carried away.

27) She actually wants to be my friend and doesn't hate me..

28) She has this huge grin when she comes to school first thing in the morning. It makes me want to grin back. It makes me happy to see her like that (even though sometimes I just mutter a 'good morning' and go back to my silent mode. I'm so not a morning person >.> sorry).

29) She's the strongest girl I know and she can kick ass! Yeah =D Solid.

30) I'm more laid back thanks to her. She taught me not to be so uptight without even noticing.

31) She's still my friend even though I get grumpy and moody and annoying and bitchy and stupid and stuff..

32) She has guts! More than I do =X

33) She's smart! She studies like 15 minutes and she's ready for a test. Plus she always gets good grades even though she says they suck. (wth? Getting 80 or 90 in a test doesn't suck, that's great!)

34) She's fun. Fun to be with and have fun with. Even when we're on a trip and she complains about her aching body xD. She's fun to be around!

35) How could I forget? She loves anime!!

36) She didn't freak out the first time I showed her Gravitation XD she actually became a Yaoi fan-girl like myself! <3

37) We can talk to each other in English whenever we feel like it. I can't do that with anyone o.o Sheesh, some people suck in English. She's good in it and she can fake accents =P 'Tis funny.

38) Whenever I come back home after spending hours at her place I always feel happy and content!

39) Sometimes...She lets me hug her >.> Even though she doesn't really hug me back but...eh. I'll forgive her because I'm not used to hugging and she isn't used to being hugged by freaks like me =P Though, if she hugs me back sometime I might just hug her more. Ya hear that, Shani? I'm in a hugging mood right now.

40) If someone pisses her off, she fires one swear after another without even taking a breath. Beware, my friend can scare the living shit outta you and I'm not afraid to use her!

41) I know when it's her climbing up the stairs or walking into the room I'm in. She has this special walk pattern and she's the only one (maybe except my dad) that I can recognize just by hearing her footsteps!

42) When something goes wrong I can go to her and whine about it and she'll whine along with me.

43) She (usually) stops doing some things when I tell her to. (Like throwing stuff at people's hair or whistling till I grow deaf...Ahem ahem).

44) She's usually the one that buys all the peanuts we eat and doesn't ask me to pay her back o.o PEANUTSSSSSSSSS.

45) She loves pizza! The holy pizza! I go over to her place for lunch only for that amazing pizza <3 (I'm starting to get stupid, right? It's true though. I like pizza x she likes pizza = I like her xP)

46) She keeps me awake when she talks to me in class when all seems lost and helpless and I know that the boredom is going to take over the world~

47) When I was about to die because I lacked sleep and was going to fall asleep when we went on a trip and heard some stupid lecture from some old guy, she pinched me and kicked my leg. Even though I saw double and his words seemed to stretched on forever..Those kicks kept me alive. That girl saved my life, people. Mhmm.

48) I just wrote 47 reasons why I like her. That's another reason! I like her because I was able to come up with 47 bloody reasons and I'm still going at it! Want more? Fine.

49) She likes me too! <3 <3


I love you, girl! *hugs*
Hila, I love ya too ^^; Plus, you can comment in Hebrew if you want o.o it's possible.
Anyhow - today was boring. My brother ate my Chunky Monkey! >( It was MY ice-cream, dammit! Meh...I think I'll go take a shower or something. Didn't shower in a while. >.>;
Bye byes!

current mood: good

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12:39 am - A year
It's been a year since I last updated o_0. I completely forgot about about having this thing, till I stumbled across it while looking over my Favorites. So...Wow. A full year. A year in which sooo many things happened and I didn't write anything. Ah well, there's no time like the present, right?
It's the summer break yet again. I don't do much besides playing on the computer, going to friends occasionally, eat (get fat), play on the computer, sleep, play on the computer.. You got the main idea. I besically don't do much but it's only fitting, 'cause I'm a lazy person and I'm proud of it!
We went to get me registered for highscool a few days ago. I just walked near the building and I started getting scared. I was like "Nuuuu, take me home! I don't wanna be here! You can't make me, nuuuu.." and my sister had to drag me inside.. I'm really scared of new things. I'm scared of new places, new people, new ideas, new friends.. It's hard for me to make new friends. I want to meet new people and all but I feel attached to my old friends and find it hard to be friendly to others. I only recently realized how important my friends they are. You see, I made a really stupid mistake while we were still in school. I got really frustrated, started ranting (I do that a lot) and poured out on a piece of paper the things I don't like about my best friend, Shani. Why, oh why, can't I learn from my mistakes? I feel like history is repeating itself. When I was in Elementary school and I found out my best friend said stuff behind my back I wrote down things on a piece of paper which she found and well.. I'm just a horrible person x.x I am. That girl is still a friend of mine and my current best friend, Shani, is still my best friend and I just can't understand why am I so lucky.
But I mean, it's not like I hate my friends. Quite the opposite, I love them with all my heart. I can't even start imagining how my life would look like if I didn't have Hila to talk to or Shani to have fun with.. I mean, solitude is good sometimes but being with people that see beyond what I show outside and know sides of me that no one else does - that is what means the world to me. I wouldn't be the same person if I hadn't met my two best friends. I'm sorry I only just realized that because I wish I could show them earlier how much they really mean to me.
I will show them though. I decided to write this because I want them to know. It's a bit hard for me to tell them what I feel face to face so that's why I'm writing this. This journal is for you guys! If something pissed me off, if I feel sad, annoyed or even if I just feel like saying what I want to say - you'll be the first to know.
For Shani, because I was so horrible and disgusting, a total bitch and an asshole (and so on and so on..), tomorrow I'll write all the things I like about you! You'll see that I have so many things I like about you that it easily makes up for every fault. I'm sorry, Shani! For everything!
Now, after you finished reading this waaay too long and boring entry (or didn't read and just skipped here) I'd just like to say (complain, more like it) that I've been writing this bloody post for 2 hours. 2 freakin' hours. Joy. Of course I was watching TV in between, yelling at the girl in the series I was watching. She has to be the stupidest girl I have ever seen (even if she's on TV, so what?). The hour is almost 1am at the moment and I'm not tired. I think I'm going to...Play on the computer. =P

current mood: satisfied

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
3:02 pm - Back to normal...
The vacation ended. School started. Today was the first day. My teacher is kind of creepy and I hate my classmates (idiots). Back to normal I guess...~.~

current mood: crappy

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Friday, August 27th, 2004
3:14 pm - La la la...
Well, another boring day. And the summer vacation ends on wednesday. =/ Life is so unfair. All I do now is read fanfics and looking at people's art (drawings and songs >.>) which made me understand that I'm not talented! How can people draw such beautiful things? I can never understand it.
Did i mention life is unfair?

current mood: lazy

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